Sunday, February 21, 2010

the one about the plane ride

WARNING:  if you just ate or if you tend to have a quesy stomach this may not be a good story for you to read.  It's going to be hard enough for me to type about it!

We left for Mexico on a Delta flight on a Thursday morning at 6 a.m.  Because airlines require you to be there so early and because everyone knows that security lines are long that meant that we, as well as most other travelers, arrived at the airport around 4 a.m.  Ugh.  Worth it though, because that means that you should be in your swimsuit by early afternoon.

I went on this trip with two girlfriends, Diane and Linda.  Diane and I booked the trip together so we had seats next to each other, and Linda was about 4 rows ahead of us.  I tend to get motion sickness and like to have the aisle seat as my first choice (so I can hang my head into the aise for some extra air), the window seat as my second choice and the middle as a very last choice because it feels clostrophobic.  Diane was nice enough to comply and gave me the window seat; there was a nice gal that we didn't know in the aisle seat with her husband directly across from her.

The flight took off right on time, and it was still dark out so it was dark in the plane as well.  It was also quiet, as people we settling in and hoping to catch a few winks before beverage service started.

We were just taking off - barely off the ground, when there was a loud, explosive sound.  It sounded like someone opened a bottle of pop that had been shook up.  Several of us said, "what was that?" right about the same time that my friend Diane started screaming, "Oh my God.  Oh my God".  Then she said the words that will haunt me for years, "someone just puked on me and it's runnning down my back!".  Not possible, right?  Then I looked at the book she had been reading and it confirmed what she was saying.

Good friend that I am I immediately burried my head in the window and pulled my sweatshirt over my mouth and nose.  What was I thinking?  I was thinking get me off this plane!!

The gal next to Diane had the presence of mind to push the call button and we soon had 3 flight attendants helping us.  They took Diane to one bathroom at the front of the plane and "the puker" as we will forever call him to a bathroom at the back of the plane.  This wasn't a kid that didn't know better - it was a full grown man, probably around 30 years old and tall enough that his projectile vomit hit Diane in the back of the head.

I am here to tell you that I was not the only one trying to retain my composure.  Everyone in the vicinity was working hard just like me.

The flight attendants could not have been nicer.  They got the area cleaned up very quickly, covered Diane's seat with a blanket just to make her feel like it was extra clean and then they sprinkled coffee grounds all over to cover the smell.  Let me tell you, that smell stayed with us for the entire day.  Meanwhile, Diane was in the airplane bathroom (read: small) trying to wash her hair, sweatshirt and tshirt in the sink.  She was gone for about an hour or so.  When she came back she had her tshirt on, which had dried enough to be ok to wear, and her hair was almost dry, but her sweatshirt was soaking wet.  I have to tell you, she was in surprisingly good spirits.  She has an iron clad stomach, which is certainly a blessing, and she had decided that she was not going to let this ruin her trip.  I was very proud of her and not sure that I could have had such a good attitude.

"The puker" didn't return to his seat until about an hour before we landed.  Here's the worst part of the story - he never said a word to Diane.  In fact, he wouldn't look at any of us.  I'm sure he was embarrassed, but too bad.  Suck it up and apologize to the person you just threw up all over and you darn well better mean it.  We stood in line waiting for our luggage and then to get through customs which gave him plenty of time to say something, but he never did.

You can be sure that once we arrived at our resort we all had a shot of tequila.  Diane had a nice hot shower and we were all in bed by 7 p.m.  It was the topic of conversation during our trip; we joked about it a lot and it was a great story to tell.  So far I haven't talked to anyone that has ever heard of such a thing.

When we got back to the airport for our flight home there was "the puker", continuing to ignore us.  We all took turns walking by him and giving him the look, but he would not make eye contact.  We joked about what we would do if he was seated behind us again, and then wouldn't you know it we were some of the last to get on the plane (but before him) and the row behind us was empty!!  Diane called a flight attendant over, pointed him out, gave her a brief version of the story and requested that he not be seated behind us.  Luckily for us he sat about 4 rows ahead of us where we could keep an eye on him.  Just to be safe, Diane covered her head with a blanket as we approached the runway, and we couldn't help but laugh as hoods started going up all over the plane!!  Evidently there were lots of the same people on this flight.  We manged to arrived back in Minnesota without any trauma on the flight.

So, that's my vacation story.  If you can top it I'd love to hear it!!


ella said...

That is the worst story ever and altho I feel terrible for Diane thank God it wasn't you or we would have to visit you in a mental ward!!!!! I KNOW you!! LOL

Jana said...

EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! Reminds me of a flight we took back to MN for Christmas once... I started smelling this horrible smell and so did others around us. I was telling Tony I thought it was the guy ahead of us with his shoes off. His seatmates even asked him to put his shoes on because his feet stunk! He was not happy about that! But we found out that a lady had brought a glass bottle of FISH OIL in her carry on and it broke open in the overhead compartment and was DRIPPING ON ME - it was AWFUL. And they had to use coffee grounds to get out the smell too. But seriously - is there NOWHERE in MN to buy fish oil? Come on! She didn't apologize either. We were not happy campers... blah!

goshery said...

That's a good try Jana . . . but I still think I win!!

Jana said...

I dunno. Plus I was wearing my mom's coat, so she had to get it cleaned, I had to move to a seat AWAY from Tony (and this is when we were living apart), and the poor guy with his shoes off was ridiculed for quite a while until they figured out what it was. PLUS - sounds like the guy you dealt with (while he could've grabbed a barf bag) probably couldn't help it - THIS woman should've known not to pack a glass bottle of fish oil (maybe she's the real reason why we can only carry on 3 oz. of liquids nowadays!) We'll argue over who won next time we visit. OR you could visit us! =)